Scene: The sofa on Saturday night with my teenage daughter and I watching The Grammy music awards
Teenage daughter: My Gawwd, ma. Will you look at her? Beyoncé is soo hot!
Her: She’s just about perfect, really, isn’t she?
Her: Will you listen to her sing? And that dress …
Her: I’m a bit sick of Hozier, are you?
Me: Yeah, he’s over-exposed, but I suppose that’s what the music business is like now. They have to tour all the time and get as much coverage as they can, as quickly as they can.
Her: Glad that Hozier has his hair done, though. He looks slightly better than usual. Did you know that his ma designed his album cover? Who’s this Annie Lennox one that’s he’s singing with? She’s an auld one.
Me: I will not have a single bad word said about her. Annie Lennox is a Goddess. Was in pop band called Eurythmics and before that a punk band called The Tourists. Very influential.
Her: She’s got some voice on her. Hozier looks like he’s in his element.
Her: Oh my God! What is Kanye West doing? He’s such a tool! Why is he giving out about Beck winning Album of the Year? And who cares about this Beck lad? I’ve never heard of him.
Me: You’d love Beck’s music. In fact, his album, Odelay, released in 1996, was the only possession that your father and I argued about when we split up.
Her: Really? You had a row over a CD?
Me: Yup. We owned practically nothing. He said that the album was his; I knew it was mine. It’s with the CD collection in the kitchen if you want to hear it some time.
Her: Did you hear about Brezzie’s tweet? He congratulated Rihanna, Kanye and Paul McCarthy, Paul McCARTHY! on their new single! That’s just so hilarious. He, of all people, should know Sir Paul’s name.
Her: Rihanna’s savage, isn’t she, Ma? She’s so sexy and bad, too.
Me: She has too many tattoos.
Her: That song by the three of them is deadly. And in fairness to Kanye, he sounds really well there, doesn’t he? Paul McCartney just has to stand there, playing guitar. I’d say he wrote it, would you?
Me: I just love that song, it’s great.
Her: Were they any good, though, The Beatles?
Me: Well, they did nothing short of inventing pop and changed the course of music by doing that.
Her: Mmmm …
Her: Will you look at the state of Pharrell Williams’ hat? And he’s wearing shorts with a suit! I’m so sick of that song, Happy. It makes me want to puke.
Me: Couldn’t agree more.
Her: Oh look! There’s Chris Martin. Love him.
Me: I used to dance around the kitchen with you as a baby in my arms, listening to Coldplay.
Her: Awww, that’s so cute … Quick ma, he’s going to sing with that weirdo, Beck.
Me: Love Beck.
Her: Jeez, that song is excellent! How come I haven’t heard it before? Chris Martin and the weirdo sound gorgeous together, don’t they? Where did you say that Beck album was again? I might give it a go.
Me: Do that, pet. You’ll love it.